DIARY:

OCTOBER

3 October 2006 ~

Unsolicited Crap - I'm feeling the need to name & shame!

 

My god, I do get fed up with the amount of spam that lands in my inbox (& I'm not the only one), as well as the normal Viagra stuff & offers to sell me qualifications, I get regular emails from China, India & the like offering to make up my designs for me & it's always acompanied with a few Jpegs or a link to a catalogue which shows their own range of high quality designs. Today I had this one:

 

 

Dear Chantal mallett, I would like to introduce myself and my Company to you.   I am Derick Shen, owner of Alleaya Evening Gowns.  We are a manufacturer of high quality ladies evening, wedding and prom dresses - our factory is in the Chaozhou area ofChina, noted for its highly skilled workforce, exquisite embroidery and hand beadwork. Our customers benefit from several advantages: We produce all gowns in-house to a very high standard.  We have our own designers, cutters, machinists, embroidery and beadwork specialists.  We have much lower overheads than larger operations and can therefore offer very competitive prices. We can offer limited runs in smaller quantities where required and can also efficiently handle large production schedules easily. We can turn around orders quickly where required. I personally oversee all production so there are no quality issues with our gowns.  In fact, our gowns are higher quality than most of the large scale producers yet at a lower price.  Special care is taken to ensure your order is 100% satisfactory to you as we value your custom. We welcome all customers, and treat our customers as our friends - since you will have the personal attention of the owner at all times. We have a range of stock designs to choose from, and can also offer OEM service to make your own designs from example sketches or pictures.  Our designers are very skilled at producing designs from your ideas.  We have a large range of fabrics and colours to choose from.  Patterns can be sized to suit your needs. We are currently supplying customers in the UK, Europe and USA and are familiar with the sizing and designs required for the European market.  We are fully conversant with shipping procedures and documentation, including EU quota requirements.  I  also have permission to supply you with previous customers email address so you may contact them and check our reputation.   And check out the catalogue: http://www.alleaya.com/catalogue/   These are particularly vile: http://www.alleaya.com/catalogue/AA07099.jpg, http://www.alleaya.com/catalogue/AA07089.jpg, http://www.alleaya.com/catalogue/AA07034.jpg, http://www.alleaya.com/catalogue/AA07009e.jpg

 

 

My freind got an email asking her to advertise with this lot yesterday:

 

Greetings! Wedding M etropolis, a UK-centric all-inclusive online wedding directory, would like to welcome you in an opportunity to both increase revenue andawareness in the growing on-line wedding market. The British wedding industry is worth almost £8 billion a year! By advertising your business with W edding Metropolis you will be able to reach the increasing number of brides-and-grooms-to-be, family and friends who are going online to shop for all their wedding needs, spending on average £25,000 per wedding. Included in our Introductory special offer are: Company Name, Adress, Phone, Mobile and Fax Number; Website and Email Address; Map Location Reference; 250-Word Description; Weekly Details of Special Offers; Company Logo; Image Gallery - Four Pictures; Ability for Customers to Vote and Review Your Company; Ability for Customers to Refer Your Listing to Friends and Family; Gift Registries; Banner Ad 190 X120.................. .................. INTRODUCTORY OFFER IS £50.00/ANNUM ! ALL advertisements will be displayed across all regions in the UK, as well as being filtered by the visitor's region. All of this for ONLY £50.00 per annum - works out to less than 5.00 pounds per month!!! Why is Wedding M etropolis the place to advertise? We will help you connect with your target audience who choose to come to one destination for all their pre and post wedding needs. Furthermore, we will have over 2 million unique visitors every 6 months and we have opt-in emailing list categories. Unlike other wedding websites, we are not only a wedding directory but we also are a wedding resource - We provide forums for people to post information and experiences, articles written by the most professional article writers in the world, hosting for unlimited personal e-wedding sites, advice columns, gift registries, on-line proposals, announcements, wedding vows, we cater to multicultural and non-traditional weddings, as well as information on the origins of popular wedding traditions, and we are not stopping there .... ! Your business has until October 7,2006 to take up our current special, and for the first 200 customers we are offering a FREE rotational sponsorship banner valued at 2000.00 pounds per annum!! These are just a few of reasons to put your advertising dollar in the right spot so act SOON!!

 

 

Over 2 million visitors every six months hey? Only £50 per annum - a bargain no? These Yanks know how to talk a load of **** - would Brits refer to my advertising dollar? Think not.

 

I won't print their weblink because I don't want to give these people any traffic but lets just say, so far they have zero takers, as in, not one advertiser on their site. A quick look up on WhoIs says they're based in Chicago, USA & the domain's creation date was 1st August '06 & was last updated on 28th September '06 - for such a baby of a site, they're pretty cocky about the predicted sucsess of this site & quite frankly I am sick to the back teeth of websites like this direct mailing people like me, to part me with £50 here, £150 there.

 

Here's another one from this week:

 

 

UKWEDDINGSTORE.CO.UK The wedding Directory that serves the UKONLY We have top ranking listings with every search engine online WE RECEIVE OVER 1700 UNIQUE VISITS PER DAY!!! YOU PAY JUST THE ONCE – THEN YOU STAY ON OUR DIRECTORY FOR LIFE!!! (NO RENEWAL FEES – EVER!!!) A £15 ONE OFF PAYMENT WILL GET YOU LIFETIME ADVERTISING THERE IS NO OFFER LIKE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE WITH FREE UPDATES ANYTIME!! Take a look today *******************   You can either apply on our website to have your company added or please feel free to email us your request IF YOU DON’T HAVE A WEBSITE DON’T WORRY – WE CAN MAKE YOU ONE FROM JUST £50.00   IF WE DON’T HAVE THE CATEGORY YOU WISH TO BE LISTED IN, TELL US AND WE WILL CREATE IT If you wish to be listed under more than one category please contact us for an amazing price!!

 

 

Just £15 this time - for life (or more appropriately the life time of the site). Don't have a website, no problem, that's £50 governor ;)  At least this one has advertisers & hits, so that's something I suppose.

And another email this week to relieve me of my cash:

 

 

To whom it may concern,   During a process of bulk registration and exchange of certain domain names , we've come to a possession of web domains that may be a subject of your interest:   CHANTAL-MALLETT.COM CHANTAL-MALLETT.NET CHANTAL-MALLETT.BIZ

 

and the suggestion that they can redo my website, you know, better. I vowed to NEVER use web designers again after I broke with my old lot! This company aren’t even UK based (a bonus if you want to employ them to do your website), they're from Herzegovina and, and, if I wanted those domains, I'd have them wouldn't I?

 

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And salesman still have the good old fashioned telephone at their disposal too:

 

The other week I had a guy on the phone trying to sell me advertising space in a CD sized book that would be on sale in Sainsburys listing wedding suppliers. It would an Annual ie., be on sale for a whole year (experience has taught me that Annual's very often aren’t, despite their titles, available for a whole year)...... this guy droned on & on, so to get him off the phone I said send me something. This email turns up & they are offering me discounted rates of nearly £2000 for a full page ad (remember it's CD sized!) & a 1/4 page for £740 - what's that about 6cms square? Hardly an irresistible bargain. Apparently they will be, to quote from the site: "aggressively priced at £2.50", I was told on the phone, it's being cheaper would sell it over a glossy wedding magazine; guys, salesmen guys really don't know squat about women, do they? Women like the pictures, are seduced by pretty things & would probably rather rely on their own taste, when trawling the net for suppliers, than the taste of a guy called Brian who has done many jobs in his life including selling cars - no shit, I'd never have guessed that! I asked him what else he'd done because I dealt with a Brian who sounded a lot like him over a search engine called Jini a few years back & some Microsoft internet keywords 'this next big thing' that I bought & then, suddenly they were dumped & no longer worked on Explorer & my money (thankfully not too much) went down the drain.

So he says "I'll call you", I say "I'm away in Paris for the rest of the week", so he says he'll call Monday (my conceding gets him off the phone quicker). So what does he do? Call the next day when I'm in Paris. Strike one. Strike two? We'll he only goes & calls my friend whilst I'm in Paris to say that he just spoke to her "competition" -18thcenturycorsets.com & the conversation went along the lines of, if you don't advertise, she will.

Hmmmmm.......... will he get either of us using that 'clever' ploy? What a complete ******! I will however be sure to make a mental note of his name & keep any future phone call a lot shorter (as in, one short beeeep as I slam down the receiver).

 

I may be sat here suffering from a cold but I am feeling somewhat purged now. Maybe some naming & shaming will keep the parasites away!

 

 

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4 October 2006 ~

 

New Vintage Revival Tiara - one off.

 

I made up a tiara on approval for one of my bridal gown clients, a few weeks back, from one of the bits in my vintage box & we decided it wasn't right for her. We were 50/50 about her wearing a tiara anyway & have done something else instead which fits more with her overall look - which is fine because I knew before I made it that, if it wasn't right for this client, someone else would snap it up.

 

It's gorgeous & I have called it 'Ice Princess' - the price is £255 + P&P, the full spec is on my Vintage Revival page:

 

 

This is a one off, so once it's gone, it's gone.

 

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Kirsten's Diary - the Wedding, Take Two.   Kirsten is one of my 2007 clients. She lives in London & for her 10th Anniversary is having a Renewal of Vows ceremony in a Scotish castle - her Wedding, Take Two.   She's an excellent person to keep this diary because she's not worried about keeping the whole thing under wraps & this time, the lady knows what she wants - I am really pleased she wants to contribute to this section of the site & am looking forward to reading her future entries.     4 October 2006 ~   So the fairytale Scottish Castle is booked, the Princess dress is ordered and frankly I have little to do.  Or so I thought…..I had completely forgotten how much is involved in planning a wedding or a renewal of vows.  Not to mention the fact that my obsessive need for a perfect dress leads me to email Chantal every time she puts a new photo of a bride on her website.  It usually goes along the lines of “Chantal, I really like that style”, or “I love that skirt”, “how could they be incorporated into my dress design?”.   I really love the dress we designed on my first consultation and my original idea had been something slightly sleek and very elegant, which it is.  So I can only assume that too much time to think about it as well as an overload of new ideas are leading me to want to change everything on a weekly basis.  Fortunately for me, Chantal has the patience of a saint and politely tells me what will work, what might work and what definitely won’t.  The best email I have had from her so far put my wonderful plans for a re-design into perspective!  A designer I am not and I don’t know about other people but I struggle to get a design on paper into a reality in my head.  So I made some suggestions about what I thought would work.  Chantal emailed me back saying that she was a bit concerned that it could go the way of Mary Poppins and added a photograph of said dress to the email and I have to say I fell about laughing in the middle of my lesson, which unfortunately had students in it at the time!  A good reason not to check personal emails while at work I feel!     Butting in here........ to put it another way:     I emailed this message: "Jane's is full with nets & hoops that goes into a train, so there are differences but not huge differences, though obviously it would give less of a roman/grecian vibe & send it more of a pretty Victorian (?) route."    And followed it up with this: "Oh & just had a Mary Poppins vision pop into my head which, I think, should be avoided!" + pics.   Pondering why Mary Poppins came into my head, when clearly it wouldn't look exactly like that & would work fine, I've reached the conclusion that Mary Poppins has the big skirt / waistclincher / lace combination but also has that sweet, spoon full of sugar feel that changing the skirt would do to the design. What is currently based on a costume from Gladiator & Kirsten's love of medieval costume, without wanting to go 'medieval' this time, a design which is elegant & in a sence simple with an unstructured feel would beome more structured & take on a prettier Edwardian / Victorian look.   * Sometimes when a bride is starting to obsess a little bit about the design, throwing in a few visuals can help & be a bit of a reality check. Of course we can make it work but there is no point obsessing - obsessing can lead people to completely loose sight of what they wanted in the first place. When I see Kirsten next month we'll talk through big skirt vs current version properly & weigh up how each silhouette will look on her & if giving the design a more ball gown, traditional look is what she wants or not. If big is the way to go, big it will be but for Kirsten, I personally think the design we have is right.* Chantal and I have arranged for my next appointment in November, and I am soooo excited.  I am not, I like to think, a bridezilla, although Chantal may disagree, but obsessed I am.  Again I find it a bit odd as I have done it before and yet there I am finding every opportunity to get anyone who will listen to talk, email or look at whatever is my obsession of the day.  Usually my dress, but I am moving on a bit.  With dress sorted (depending on my mood at the time), I now turn to hair, makeup, jewellery, accessories.  You can’t really get any idea of these things until the dress and venue are decided, so now that is achieved, I again scour magazines and websites to find inspiration.  Took me about 10 minutes before I was emailing Chantal………again.  So poor woman has received 10 different emails in the space of 2 days, all asking for different things and changing my mind constantly.  Usually I end up calling as well, just to clarify! Finding florists, makeup artists, hairdressers and so forth in Scotland is not an easy task.  I can’t keep going up there every time I want to check something out so it would have to be done on trust, guesswork and photos.  I am just not sure I can cope with that at all.  A suggested makeup and hair designer near the venue won’t even do a trial.  “Not necessary because of their wealth of experience” they say.  “We instinctively know what to do when we get there” they add.  Well I am sorry but I cannot fathom in what world they can read your mind and “know” what you want and how you have imagined your look coming together over the preceding months or years on sight.  I would suggest to any bride to be that you definitely need a practice run of hair and makeup.  With picture in hand, the hairdresser dutifully put my hair into curls with roses weaving through it when I first had a trial, but it did not suit me at all.  Your wedding day is too late to find out your wonderful picture won’t suit you. Who knows where my inspiration came from, the look I am trying to achieve, the feel of the dress and to a large extent my personality?  Answer: The person who spent 3 hours (and many since) talking through them with me.  Having discovered that Chantal can be booked to be your stylist for the day I absolutely jumped at the chance.  She will help you get into those fabulous corsets (not sure my mother or friends will quite be up to lacing one of those), and do hair and make up.  So that problem is resolved rather rapidly.  I had real flowers last time and although I loved them I don’t want a traditional bouquet again.  Seems inappropriate and well silly.  I know some of you might think the whole idea of a renewal of vows is inappropriate but hey ho.  It is, I agree, an utterly self-indulgent, arguably huge waste of money.  But my only retort is…..so what.  I love it!  And getting dressed up in gorgeous dress in castle with loving husband in a tux – never a waste of money!!! So back to flowers!?  I don’t want another traditional bouquet.  That was one thing that was absolutely right for what we did the first time.  But I do want something.  But what?  Looking again through Chantal’s gallery, I am struck by the wonderful bouquets in the photos.  They are fabulous, made up from velvet flowers, feathers and look amazing.  That is the look I want and actually couldn’t be further from what I had originally imagined having.  Oh my god I bet she regrets the moment she let me through her door!   When I got married I chose a very simple pattern which was then made up by a friend.  I kept asking people what they thought about my dress because I was concerned it was not very flattering.  I was assured by all that it was fabulous and original.  Well I reckon that ‘original’ was one of those ever so subtle ways of saying politely that it really didn’t suit me.  I have been having very interesting conversations with my husband about that dress as well!  Of course trying to get a man to be honest and say they don’t like something, particularly your wedding dress, is not easy.  Due to my frankly obsessive behaviour over my original dress, I am asking everyone (secrecy went out the window the moment I got my design from Chantal anyway), what they think of the new design.  And I don’t give an inch.  It has to be compared with last time and in detail discussed what they like and what they don’t like.  That my mother, grandmother and several friends didn’t much like my original wedding gown was disappointing but not entirely surprising – after all I didn’t. It has not been an issue this time!  But if you don’t get tears welling up in the eyes of your nearest and dearest, don’t believe them, particularly if you are working to a budget.  You can still get wow on a budget. So……  lucky girl that I am, I get to have another wedding, well okay renewal of vows but I get to wear a beautiful dress, have all my dearest friends and family together and have a wonderful party in a Castle …..  but you know what? I forgot what an utter pain in the neck planning these things is.  I just remembered the nice stuff along with the things I wanted to do better or with more style this time.  I remember why the term “bridezilla” was coined and fear despite my hopes that I am not one, I have decided in the time it has taken me to write this that I must associate myself with the term!  Opinionated, stroppy, demanding, constantly changing their mind, and nothing is quite the way you want it!  Yep – that would be me! And finally why is it that it is so important and why I go on about my dress so much and want to get this right?  If you are lucky enough to be able to have Chantal make your dress you probably understand but  for those pessimists who constantly quote “it’s just for one day” and those who think I am truly self centred to be getting two, I remind you of the scene in friends where all the girls are having a bad day and so put wedding dresses on and sit eating popcorn.  A friend of mine puts on her wedding dress and does her hovering when she is feeling miserable and I have to admit to putting mine on occasionally just to…..well just because I can.  Although there are many people for whom a dress is just for one day and therefore not important in the scheme of things, I am a true believer in it being out of this world, plus for all the talk of only one day, it is actually one of the few tangible things you have left after your wedding day.  Plus you either end up with an heirloom or your daughters will thank you for the most amazing dress ever for their future graduation balls!

 

10 October 2006 ~

Wedding M etropolis Watch.

 

Since reporting a week ago that said website had zero takers, so far, for their £50 per annum listing offer. So basically zero suppliers to share with brides.

 

I am so very pleased to report that they now have exactly 3 suppliers listed. So B2B's wanting invites or a photographer or a videographer should hot foot it over there to the exiting metropolis of wedding. 

 

Is it me or does 'Metropolis' seem a little inappropriate - I'm thinking more on the lines of:  

www. wedding_shack_in_the_middle_of_nowhere.com

www.wedding_igloo.com

www.wedding _bus_stop.com

www.wedding_phone_box.com

www.wedding_tent.com

www.wedding_tree_house.com

www.wedding_wendy_house.com

www.wedding_cave.com

www.wedding_dingy_adrift _in_the_middle_of_the_Atlantic.com

 

 

www.getting the feeling I'm in danger of spoiling what was funny when I started the list, if I keep going.com

 

Plus www.a bit bored now.com - ooh good name for a site!

 

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19 October 2006 ~

Wedding M etropolis Watch.

5 more suckers in the last 9 days brings them up to 8.

 

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So what's been going on?

 

 

So 9 days & no diary entries. I have been practically living in my workroom or on a train or at a clients wedding.

 

Last weekend Jane married Rob in Durham & had her reception at Lumley Castle. Jane is fab, we got on very well - lots of common ground, to sum her up I'd say she's tall & statuesque, quiet, refined & a bit shy with the occasional foray into the more dramatic, diva side of her personality. Yes some designers psycho analyse their clients (or at least take a shot at it) - Jane booked her gown with me after coming to terms with quite how 'look at me' her figure looked in my sample over a less shapely alternative from a fellow designer ( I told her, that as the bride, everyone will be looking at her anyway & suggested it was a case of figuring out how she wanted to feel in her dress when she was being looked at) & in the end she chose a variation on my Fleur de Lys design - the absolutly right choice for 'Diva Jane', bad choice for wall flowers ;)  When choosing a wedding dress, you have to be prepared to WEAR it / work it / feel wonderful in it, it is an extension of your persona, you must never let it wear you.

 

After some disastrous hair & muck-up trials elsewhere, Jane had a make-up trial with me & booked me to go up to Durham to style her on the day. So friday afternoon, with puffy ankles (from hours sat working & little of the horizontal sleeping time clocked up over the previous week, I caught a Virgin train from Milton Keynes to Birmingham & cursed Mr Branson for not bothering to allocate enough room for suitcases & making half, yes half the train First Class so I had to stand the first leg. I did get a seat from BHam to Durham which is just as well because I know I would have cracked & stumped up the cash for First Class. I would have justified it because I had button loops & buttons to stitch on the crushed velvet sleeves I had squirreled away in my handbag. For those of you that have never hand sewn on a train, let me tell you, the motion really screws up the whole hand/eye co-ordination needed to thread a needle. I was working with button holing thread i.e. thick thread & after many attempts to thread my nice fine needle, I had to upgrade to a much bigger one. Doing that job over the 3 days I would be out of the workroom meant I'd come back with sleeves all but finished for the next commission & at least it gave me something to do.

 

Jane swung by Durham station to collect me Friday night & we headed back to her parents place where I was plied with food & wine (perks of my job). I have the gorgeous, very me, very new, pink LG Chocolate phone & at some point when setting my alarm back at my hotel, I managed to set it on vibrate so I only went & overslept didn't I? And we'd had a debate on start time the night before, so it's just as well I erred on the side of caution & suggested an earlier 8.30am pick up because at 8.30am when I was meant to be outside waiting for Jane, I woke up & surveying the clock on the TV came to the very conclusion that I had indeed overslept. I wandered over to the phone where I saw a very recent missed call from Jane & within seconds there was a knock at the door. Jane, I'm sure was a bit surprised to be met with the sight of  a very recently woken designer in her night shirt & not the heavily made up & may I add dressed version she had been expecting ;) So anyhoo, we headed back to preparation central (mum & dad's) & I managed to get my make-up, hair, etc. done over the next few hours whilst Jane de-puffed eyes, put in contacts, laced up her wedding boots, etc. Her hair & make-up went very smoothly & I was very pleased with how it turned out & at 12.30 the bride, her parents & her designer slipped in to the wedding car & took off for the church (not the first client's wedding car I've rode in).

 

 

 

So you know Car Phone Warehouse has the new pink version of the very desirable LG Chocolate phone & you're tied up at work, so buying it on their website is the simplest way to get it, right? Wrong! Ordering was simple, postage free & next day, the phone was in stock, so stupidly I thought I'd get it next day. One week later, having had nothing but an email confirmation & having logged in to discover that on the 'where's my order' section of the site they where saying due to being very busy deliveries may not be next day after all, my order was still waiting to be processed. Grrrrrrr. So I initiated a website enquiry via their form. Ooops sorry, there was an error & there was an error the next two times I tried before giving up & looking up their number. Now you would think the customer services number on the website would be for website orders wouldn't you? Well, you'd be wrong! But to get through to the right department you still have to reel off your address & confirm your email, only to be told they "can't find your order, was this a website order? You're through to the wrong place, let me transfer you". I'm transferred, stuck in a queue, when I'm connected the bloke on the other end isn't aware my call has been connected & is yapping to a colleague about something he has to do for a customer & then he wanders off, with me saying "hello? hellooo? HELLO!!!!!". So replace the receiver & repeat, repeat address, repeat email, can't find my order? What a surprise! Please put me through to web orders....... ooh surprise a que, music, "your call is important to us", oh yes, I'm sure it is & then I'm put through - "welcome to carphone warehouse ...............".  I say, I'm sorry, can you repeat that, I can barely hear you? Sorry what? I just about pick up that the guy has a problem with his headset so I ask that I be called right back & give him my number. He whispers yes he will do that but no phone call comes. So I go through the loop again by time I get to the right person, she is the 7th person I have spoken to or almost spoken to & I am pissed!!! She tells me the order started being processed yesterday - well that's interesting because I'd logged on in the early hours of the morning & the website disagreed, so too did a previous operator who confirmed the order was still waiting. She 'thinks' is will go out today. So I say no, it will go out today & it's no good sending it to my home address because there's no one at home this week. Last week, when I placed the order & was informed delivery was next day, there was but now you'll have to post to my work address. And you will deliver tomorrow! I also strongly suggest a discount is in order & am told I'll have to take that up with their CEO. Tomorrow comes, breakfast news is savaging CPW for their TalkTalk free internet fiasco, apparently the CEO Charles Dunstone had to go on Watchdog & put his hands up & admit they had problems which 1000+ new staff should solve. Well trained staff would have been more the way to go me thinks! Parcel arrives. Unwrap parcel only to discover black phone! Now I'm really pissed, seething! Jane is in this afternoon for her dress pick up so I call CPW & stick them on loud speaker while I continue to iron. I give the bloke who answers hell: I waited a week, spoke to 7 different people yesterday, confirmed my details almost as many times & now you've sent me the wrong thing! mail me out the pink phone TODAY!!!!! "Can't do that, we have to get that phone back from you first". Nooooo! You send the pink one out today & the courier can collect the black phone when he makes his delivery tomorrow. "We don't do collections anymore (hmmm, getting a bit expensive was it?). You'll have to take it to a post office & send it back" Are you kidding me? I use the website for convenience & hassle free shopping. I then try to email - no good, speak to 7 different people & spend an hour on the phone & now you're telling me I have to drive down to the post office to send back this phone?!? Wait for it to arrive back & wait again for the right phone to be sent! "Or you could go to one of our stores....", would you like me to tell you where your nearest ones are?" Supervisor, NOW! "I'm sorry, there's a 24 hour wait to speak to a Supervisor" Get me a Supervisor! "I'll try & find one".......and a little while later....... "There's no one available, I have just sent an email request for a Supervisor to call you". O.K. Where's your nearest store with stock? "Dunstable has 2, Aylesbury 10" Fine. Reserve me one at Dunstable & I'll pick it up tomorrow. "But Aylesbury has more" Yes, but I'm not in Aylesbury, Dunstable is closer! "I can't do that (reserve said phone). It doesn't work like that" Great now I'm a customer in thoseNationwide ads running on TV!!!!   At this point I abruptly finish the call.Well, I'd hit a metaphoric brick wall & was seriously considering actually hitting a brick wall, so for my sanity & the bones in my hand, it was best I ring off. My Dad swings by work, collects said phone, goes into Dunstable, swaps phone. "Of course we would have put one aside, they only had to call us" & "this happens quite a lot with the warehouse sending out the wrong things". 24 hours later, no Supervisor. 1 week later, no Supervisor. CEO is now due a very strongly worded letter, I may just mail him this web link & he can read about my experience on the World Wide Web.  I need a car charger, a wall charger for work, I quite fancy a pink bluetooth headset..... think I might mail CEO my wish list & suggest an apology come in the shape of a box baring goodies  ;) My crazy Father actually came back from the store praising this TalkTalk scheme & says we should do it. Apparently they've purchased AOL UK, so we'd be over the internet hiccup bit. Are you crazy Daddy? The news savaged them this morning & I'm thinking I'll never give them another penny so.......  Did you not hear the story? And AOL? I hate AOL, bar stewards keep giving me a dynamic IP address in the US, so I can't download films with Sky By Broadband (cos my IP address says I don't live in the UK), their web chat is mainly India based & they were all useless - I want to divorce AOL not embrace & more importantly pay, some demon AOL/Car Phone Warehouse hybrid! Call me crazy, but withholding cash & taking your business elsewhere is always the best way to punish the big bad corporations. Honestly men! Dangle a tasty money saving scheme at them, however crappy & run by complete incompetents it is & their anybody's! The man has an Honours Degree in Engineering but naff all common sense!   Oooh, but can I just say phone G O O D , very P R E E T Y ! The touch pad takes some getting used to but, again P R E E T Y ! ! ! And Car Phone Warehouse B A D ! ! !      Customer service to be well & truly, very, very ashamed of!

 

 

As one would expect the wedding went very well & the UK (well Canada right now) has another set of over the moon, loved up newly weds.

 

Um, what else? Well I learnt that a conker that drops from a great height can really hurt! Standing on the street some two meters under the ground level of the church grounds, I was struck by a conker so hard it felt like someone had just pounded on my skull with their fist. Needless to say, it was a bit of a surprise & the people behind me said they saw a conker(?) bounce off my head & hurdle the 2m high wall! Ouch! Oh & I managed to mislay my trainers somewhere between Jane's parent's house & the castle - we'd abandoned all our stuff 'to go' in the front hall but don't fret, trainers have been found the only problem was I had to wear a pair of heeled boots home, against my feet's wishes.

 

What did strike me about this wedding was the utterly crazy but very good photographer Jane had booked. This photographer, Alan Mason, worked very hard, flew around at the speed of light & actually took care over setting up the shots! And? Well, from experience I can tell you that though you may hope for these traits in your wedding photographer they are in fact, & I'm going to scare you now, quite rare.

 

I have harboured a photography theory over many years that female photographers (also rare) are preferable to male. And on the whole I stand by this theory. The bride has to strike up a raport & feel comfortable with the photographer (& women are easier to do this with). Also women are more likely to use their intuition & read how the bride wants to look from their choice of outfit & associated decor & reflect it in the shots & have a better idea of how to arrange the dress - they have, altogether a better eye & with the female bonding aspect, she is more likely to get a bride to relax, collaborate & try different poses & show off a bit in the hope of getting some great shots. For, despite what anyone says, it is ultimately about the bride, it is her day. Grooms in photos are a bit like accessories & bless them, you can drop them into a shot that's been set up, tell them to look cool & laid back & get some great photos (prime example, Jane & Rob, below).

 

I love photography, I like looking at photos, I enjoy taking them. I like people watching & at weddings I will snap things going on around me while the photographer deals with his/her list. BM's playing, guests messing about (see right), at this one there were funny moments when shots were being set up & I took those - I think those photos sum up the day & the couple more than the serious ones.

 

 

 

Over the years I have met lots of photographers that don't give a ****, I've lost count of the amount of times they say no don't fiddle with the dress it looks 'nice' like that - well sometimes it does but sometimes it looks crap but arrangeing the dress takes time & it's not time they want to spend. Also, & I think this is true of all brides, you do want some of you in your dress looking perfect. I've met purvy male photographers, lots of mediocur ones (most with egos the size of Mars but  no real talent) & I'm sad to report some female photographers with swollen heads who are not the greatest thing since sliced bread but are complete cows!